The Dancing Bear Argument

I understand getting a horse to “dance” is quite difficult, at no point in the wild have I ever seen a horse breakdance while running through the hills – which would lead me to believe this is not a natural habit for a horse.

However just because something is difficult does not mean it should be done, or at the very least awarded praise from others.

For example, I could spend my time teaching a bear to dance; it is also an animal and definitely does not tap dance while fishing salmon from the river.

Checklist:

  • Is this an animal – yes
  • Does it naturally “dance” – no
  • Could you ride a bear – if you have balls of steel, yes

Essentially this is exactly the same sport, although animal rights groups tend to look down on dancing bear activities. They’re clearly not equal opportunity animal loversCurrent Bearage World Champion

So I ask you to support the Bearage Olympic 2016 campaign. It’s kinda like Nascar, you are really hoping an accident occurs – it’s the everyman sport.

Points are awarded for riders with fewer limbs as they have clearly spent more time training their steads. As you can see from current world bearage champion Joe “nubs” Piscapo

Now some people have argued with me that I don’t understand and that if I were to ride a dressage horse for an hour I wouldn’t be able to walk for a day. Thus it seperates itself from other animal riding activities due to physical exhaustion on the body.

I would like to point out I could also throw myself down a flight of stairs and I would achieve the same inability to walk – see earlier comment regarding not awarding praise where undeserved. Further if I were to ride a bear there is a chance I would die!

However would training a bear be a valid use of my time…..probably not, would it be more dangerous and impressive than dressage?

Well when the bar is set so low, a blueberry muffin could top dressage.

 

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2 Responses

  1. Fuck you says:

    If dressage is not a sport then why is it in the Olympics in dressage you need more strength than a football player the accuracy of a golfer the patients of a mother the brain of a neuroscientist the care of a nurse and the ability to confer the horse like a grandmother. So umm I think win.

  2. Name says:

    So if i wipe my disabled grandmothers arse should i get a gold medal?

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