SEGA confirms dressage is not fun for all ages

While dressage has been included in the London 2012 Olympics (not to mention the 2016 Olympics) it would appear that if you wanted to experience the thrill of making a horse dance for yourself (spoiler; there is no thrill) you wont be able to via the official Olympic game of 2012.

A cursory glance over the list of events that are available on the PS3 and Xbox indicates that dressage has been left out of this game. There could be many reasons for this of course, of which I have identified these below for you:

  • Dressage is not a sport, nor is it a game.
  • The game uses the strap line “more sports, more events and more adrenaline than ever before”. Dressage is none of these things,  I would go as far as saying it’s a non-event.
  • SEGA clearly wanted to actually turn a profit.

But then one could ask, how can you turn dressage into game that people would enjoy? (equally, you could ask how to just turn dressage into a sport?)

The average controller has about 8-10 different buttons on it, which when I try to align in my mind what you could use these for – I can only think of uses for two buttons;

  • Button A) Sit on the horse.
  • Button B) Hold onto top hat.

If I really wanted stretch it you could go as far as;

  • Button C) Look like a prat.

But I guess to win the game you simply mash all three buttons at once for a few minutes.

Ultimately I can see SEGA’s problem – Dressage can’t be made fun.

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9 Responses

  1. Dakota says:

    Ok well you evidently DO NOT understand the concentration needed to memorize the tests, the bond you have to make with that animal who could kill you in an instant, all equestrians out there could argue that our sport is the hardest because our ball has a mind of its own, we might be the most popular sport but we have the oppertunity to make a bond with an animal. I do dressage and let me tell you its harder than it looks you try moving a 1200 lb animal in a 20x40m arena, you try making that animal go into a canter even when it doesn’t. you honestly have never formed a bond with one of these magnificant creatures or even rode one. So you need research the sport you are talking about before you say anything stupid

  2. Travis says:

    You spelled oportuninty wrong.

  3. Spell Checker says:

    So did you

  4. Alex says:

    While this site is pretty funny and not without some good points, the suggestion that only 2-3 buttons would be required for a dressage game is narrow minded.

    An element of balance could be inserted into the game using L and R bumpers while certain button combos could trigger transitions,etc.

    Not to suggest that a dressage game would be fun, only that it could be made challenging.

  5. Jarrod says:

    I would buy this game. It’s like Tony Hawk Pro Skater, on horses.

  6. Sofia says:

    Wow whoever made this site is a serious asshole. I’d like to see you do what we do and walk the next day or stay on the horse or be as good as us. The horse has a freaking mind of it’s own!!!! When you do what we do then you have to right to say things like these. It is boring to watch sometimes but it most defiantly IS NOT EASY!!!

  7. Mike 'Real Asshole' Bumsby says:

    Well, at least it’s better than being better that one of those ‘fake’ assholes who rides dressage horses ay?!

  8. Mike 'Real Asshole' Bumsby says:

    “Could kill you in an instant”? – you do realise you’re not riding a Great White Shark don’t you?!

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